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October 19, 2012

While we wait to die

I remember a year ago I was in so much emotional pain. Everything was plummeting, it seemed. And worse, I didn't know where to go next. It's crazy- yet reassuring- how much we learn from our falls and every stupid mistake we've made in our lives. 

And I still don't have my life solved, but I have a better view of what I want to do with my life, and knowing that I have my family's full support and God's faith in my abilities gives me strength to continue pursuing my goals. 

Yesterday, Alex told me something that made me think differently about life. He said that if all humanity has the same end (or ends, if you think of it as heaven or hell), then why do we stress so much about what we're going to do with our lives? Yesterday we worried about the food that we were going to eat, and now we can't recall what we ate that day or last month or last year. But I told him it's the journey that counts, not the destination, is it not? How terrible would it be to live a life of desolation and despair, a life of daily ongoing panic? A life of constant fear? Or worse, why live a life of mediocrity, if you know you can do so much more for yourself?

And the way he put it was that he didn't really care too much about what happened in his life, only that he had a stable job, daily food on his table, and was at peace with himself and those around him. And it made me realize that these things are what really matter most in life- everything else is secondary. And I realize how selfish I am- thinking about my future and everything for my own personal gain- how I want a nice house, a nice car, nice clothing, a life of leisure...Those are good things to have, but if I am solely focusing on pursuing these things, will my life really be enjoyable? 

We all have the same end in life, sure. But what makes a difference is whether we put emphasis on the materiality of life- those things that come and go- or focus instead on the things that truly make us feel alive.
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