My current obsession

Bollywood.

I don't know what drove me to type that word on YouTube, but one thing led to another, and before I knew it, I was checking out a good load of Indian movies at the local library.  I've watched  several Indian films now, and I cannot get over how alien everything is to me. Rarely have I felt the anxiety that arises from not understanding someone.

Living in America and having roots from Mexico, I am so used to adapting culturally to anything because it's always felt easy. It feels so strange to me to not know what these people are saying. And I find their dances  so foreign and weird, yet so fascinatingly beautiful at the same time. Even Aishwarya Rai's extreme falsetto has become so perfect and beautiful to my ears- so animated and harmonious.

It's always so easy to judge another culture- to make fun of their strange clothing, dances, and language-- how pathetic it all seems now. And really, how selfish have I been, who doesn't care to learn about other people's culture, yet expect the whole world to be aware of every Western trend?

.... And these thoughts have been running through my head (not like they haven't before, though).  In the end, I really can't believe how much I am loving these little Indian films. The Indian culture is truly beautiful in an indescribable way.

While we wait to die

I remember a year ago I was in so much emotional pain. Everything was plummeting, it seemed. And worse, I didn't know where to go next. It's crazy- yet reassuring- how much we learn from our falls and every stupid mistake we've made in our lives. 

And I still don't have my life solved, but I have a better view of what I want to do with my life, and knowing that I have my family's full support and God's faith in my abilities gives me strength to continue pursuing my goals. 

Yesterday, Alex told me something that made me think differently about life. He said that if all humanity has the same end (or ends, if you think of it as heaven or hell), then why do we stress so much about what we're going to do with our lives? Yesterday we worried about the food that we were going to eat, and now we can't recall what we ate that day or last month or last year. But I told him it's the journey that counts, not the destination, is it not? How terrible would it be to live a life of desolation and despair, a life of daily ongoing panic? A life of constant fear? Or worse, why live a life of mediocrity, if you know you can do so much more for yourself?

And the way he put it was that he didn't really care too much about what happened in his life, only that he had a stable job, daily food on his table, and was at peace with himself and those around him. And it made me realize that these things are what really matter most in life- everything else is secondary. And I realize how selfish I am- thinking about my future and everything for my own personal gain- how I want a nice house, a nice car, nice clothing, a life of leisure...Those are good things to have, but if I am solely focusing on pursuing these things, will my life really be enjoyable? 

We all have the same end in life, sure. But what makes a difference is whether we put emphasis on the materiality of life- those things that come and go- or focus instead on the things that truly make us feel alive.

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A LITTLE PLAN

While on our trip to California this past week, Tia Marce told us wonderful stories of her past, while driving us through Los Angeles. There was a snippet of her tales that stood out the most to me. We were driving in the dead of the night, and we were passing through a very dirty old place- where hobos sat in the shadows of the lamp posts and the picture perfect houses transitioned into a juxtaposition of shabby houses. As one of the lights turned red, papi pointed at a 7 Eleven nearby, and she verified that, yes, one of those apartments behind that station had been her very first home. Tia lives a very, VERY comfortable lifestyle now, but I was just blown away by how someone with such humble beginnings could have gotten to where she is now. 

And then she told us that she had always dreamed of being a florist. She had planned it in her head since she could remember- made goals to get out of the lifestyle she and my dad and all her siblings had all started from- in the small, poor little town in Mexico. She had always made little floral arrangements out of the prairie plants near my abuelitos' home... And it got me thinking that, even thoughI want to be "great" and "successful" and have this fantastic life, it's not really set. I mean, who doesn't want the good life? Who doesn't want to not worry about the bills or security issues or having food on the table? Who doesn't want to have a simple life? EVERYBODY wants that lifestyle. But not everybody gets what they want if it's so vaguely and unrealistically planned. Especially if they haven't defined their talents and strengths. 

I came across this link today, and it's helped me realize that I have to create a bigger picture (with all the details), as well as a set of short-term goals in order to achieve what I want in life. Because really, I feel the days are just slipping through my fingers and I'm in the same position as I was yesterday and the day before that. I mean, sure, I've advanced academically, but I don't have any idea what I'm going to do with my career after I graduate. What happens after school? I simply haven't thought about that idea as much because I've always relied on that security of being in school and just following that little path of education. Sometimes I feel like school is my rehearsal. I'll get to the real-life stuff after graduating, I think. 

And I've learned as of late that this way of thinking is not smart! So let's start planning. Let's establish the things I want to do while I'm young and it's easy to change my path!

LIFETIME GOALS
"The first step in setting personal goals is to consider what you want to achieve in your lifetime (or at least, by a significant and distant age in the future). Setting lifetime goals gives you the overall perspective that shapes all other aspects of your decision making."

Career - What level do you want to reach in your career, or what do you want to achieve?
Become an analyst or branding director. Possibly work at Adobe or Goldman Sachs (currently thinking of a bigger company, but this could change in the future). San Francisco or Salt Lake.

Financial - How much do you want to earn, by what stage? How is this related to your career goals?

Irrelevant. I want to make $100,000 a year... mainly to live a comfy life and have enough left to travel and help my parents financially, if necessary, in the future. City or country irrelevant; as long as it has close access to nature (I love nature). 

Education - Is there any knowledge you want to acquire in particular? What information and skills will you need to have in order to achieve other goals?

Finish my bachelor's degree in International Business, and obtain a master's in Finance. Get at least 2 internships, study abroad, find a mentor.  I also want to increase my proficiency in French. Learn how to code. Become a better writer.

Family - Do you want to be a parent? If so, how are you going to be a good parent? How do you want to be seen by a partner or by members of your extended family?

Yes- I need to be a well-educated individual, in order to offer my kids a better life financially (through my career choices) and become a resource to them through my knowledge. EDUCATION IS SO IMPORTANT. I also want to become more dependable, caring, and selfless. I want to keep my tight relationships with both my parents and siblings, and establish good relationships with my extended family, also. This can be done through Skype and letters or messages (if they live far away), or personally visiting them. I also want to continue forming new friendships and keep my old ones. Find the time for friends. Form some sort of family hobby; definitely want my kids to know Spanish and be aware of their roots. I want my kids to be involved in one physical sport and some sort of art (painting, instruments, etc.). I want to take my kids on lots of trips (big or small) to inspire them, open their eyes about what they have/don't have back home, and to be more open to new things. I want to create a safe space to ask questions, to express themselves. I want them to ask lots of questions and be aware of big issues happening in the real world (don't shelter my kids). Not sure about religion?... but I want to make sure they have God in their lives. 

Artistic - Do you want to achieve any artistic goals?

Improve my photography skills- invest in a better lens and camera. Read at least 20 of the top 100 books of all time (http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2002/may/08/books.booksnews), watch at least 50 of the top 100 films (http://film.guardian.co.uk/1000films/0,,2108487,00.html), listen to 500 best albums (

http://www.rollingstone.com/music/lists/500-greatest-albums-of-all-time-20120531) become a proficient writer. Become a better guitar player. Perfect my singing voice. Never stop listening to good music. Continue with my watercolor paintings and attempt at least one oil painting.

Attitude - Is any part of your mindset holding you back? Is there any part of the way that you behave that upsets you? (If so, set a goal to improve your behavior or find a solution to the problem.)

Don't talk so much about myself: Listen to what everyone else has to say-even a child or an uneducated person- it's always possible to learn something grand from them. Focus on what I can do- not what's holding me back-- find a way to reach my goals, even if I have to go around the obstacle. Take more risks, have a better sense of humor, don't take stuff too seriously.  Find a mentor. Live a great life and inspire others. Take things less seriously! Let go faster. Be mindful of others' emotions, needs, and circumstances. 

Physical - Are there any athletic goals that you want to achieve, or do you want good health deep into old age? What steps are you going to take to achieve this?

Run a 10k by next summer. Start by running 3 miles a week. Sleep earlier, wake up earlier, depend less on food. Hike at least 3 of these trails in my lifetime: http://www.bootsnall.com/articles/09-02/10-best-hiking-trails-world.html. Learn how to rock climb. Try mountain biking. Learn how to breathe and become proficient in ashtanga yoga. Dye/cut my hair- take risks with it because it can grow back.

Pleasure - How do you want to enjoy yourself? (You should ensure that some of your life is for you!)

Travel as soon as I can forever and ever and ever. Enjoy nature hikes and rock climbing. Don't let go of painting or journaling. Stay organized, and set priorities for myself. Be a clean individual, and always cook a homemade meal at least once a day. Go to museums. Read history books or watch documentaries. Be good enough to play guitar around a campfire someday ;). 

Public Service - Do you want to make the world a better place? If so, how?

Help people be PRODUCTIVE individuals, not DEPENDANT individuals. Definitely volunteer in a third world country in the future. Recycle. Be an advocate for children and those who don't have the same opportunities I have. Inspire women and girls to believe that they are capable of achieving their dreams. 

ABUELITOS

I have an inexplicable love for my grandparents. The two of them after all are the only grandparents I have left, and perhaps that's why I pay so much attention to the way they are.

I take careful note of the way abuelito Calin excitedly offers his daughters an idea or a thought (although it's not always realistic or understandable). And if he has patient listeners, he talks about the old stories of Villa Union. He stands at the edge of his seat, always incorporating very expressive hand movements with his stories...And his face is a story of its own, with wrinkles streaming all over his burnt-brown face that become more accentuated with his little "Ahay!" His bushy variegated eyebrows raise with excitement, and his forehead becomes paved by several horizontal creases, indicating he's done this movement a thousand times before. And when his lips become dry from all the talking, he pauses, licks them quickly, and continues with his juicy conversation.

He's such a small man- time on his shoulders, his skinny body seems like it will collapse with every cautious step he takes. And I can't help but think back to the man he was years- decades- before. Calin. His real name is Carlos, like my dad. Both are a mirror-image of each other when abuelito Calin was my father's age. And I can't imagine my tall, skinny, mustached, balding papi aging into someone like this short, fragile old mustached man.... But they're so alike- my dad and his parents- especially when they talk about agriculture and the people from Villa Union. They could go on forever, I think. Talking about how big the pecan tree abuelita planted has grown; how the peaches were so big and juicy this year; how fulanito (so-and-so) got married to fulanita; how some guy retired and dedicated his life to selling popsicles in the streets...

And then there's abuelita Kika. Who tells stories of the hungaras- Hungarian gypsies that often went to her town. How they read people's palms in exchange for goats and pigs or how it was so thrilling to watch them play with their marionettes. She tells me how one time a hungara inexplicably stole great abuelita Gaby's money from her pocket. She has some more spectacular tales- like when she and tia Rebe found gold in an abandoned house, went back to town for help, and returned shortly but found that there was absolutely no gold in that deep hole. She also told me about the Matas family- Arabs that came from San Luis Potosi- that would do business with a rich man that lived in what later became my mom's family's house.

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I've learned to treasure my grandparents... and there's a part of me that secretly fears the imminent time when they'll be gone. Will I have regrets? I'll miss their stories- which I've learned to value and keep in my memory for as long as I possibly can. They are so ocurrentes- witty. And they are always open for a little gossip, in which abuelita Kika responds "Apooooco!"  and abuelito Calin responds "Achis!"

The more time passes, the more I love them... and that scares me the most. Because some day they'll be gone, and now I know nothing can replace these wonderful grandparents I have.